You might have good intentions when you offer a helping hand to whoever comes asking, or may be, you find it difficult to say no when someone asks you to help him/her. Whatever be your reason, you are on the way to becoming a pushover, a negative trait.
By being a people-pleaser you may be harming yourself, in many ways. How? You are slowly losing your individuality and assertiveness, you are turning into someone who pleases people. But ask yourself, are you happy like this?
You end up doing the things you hate just because you are unable to say no! The point is, you need to curb this attitude; here are some ways to control and recover from this mentality. Learn to say no, learn to be more assertive.
Are You One?
How do you identify a people pleaser? It is easy to spot a people-pleaser at work, or for that matter anywhere else. Someone you will always see working for others, someone who always accepts to do all that is assigned to him/her.
People would obviously, abuse this attitude for their own benefit. It is not bad to help others, but saying yes when you actually want to say no is something that affects you indirectly. Slowly, but definitely, you would lose your confidence and get frustrated about it. Are you a pushover? You are definitely one if you answer all the questions given further.
How to Stop Being One
- The best solution in your case is learning to say no. Saying no can be difficult on some occasions, but you should learn this art. Your individuality and your progress should be your first priority. Also, by saying no you are not hurting others, but helping yourself.
- You should not be curt in your words, but learn to say no gracefully without affecting your relationship with your colleagues. You can cover it up by saying you are not well, or the boss has assigned you an important task that you have to complete soon. Believe me, people would respect your individuality and your assertiveness.
- If you are already a pushover it can be a little difficult for you to get over the attitude. Learn to be firm in what you believe is right. For this you should learn to identify people and their motives. Also get over your emotions and learn to be professional at work. This is because perhaps, you think you will hurt others by refusing to do their work.
- If you are finding it difficult to deal with people yourself, you can turn to your management for help, this is the last thing you should do. And if your boss is also party to your people-pleaser attitude, the last and best thing you can do is seek a new job. Seek help from people you trust, on being more assertive.
- Practice being assertive in your daily life. Be assertive while dealing with your neighbors, at home and, the least, your work. The next time someone comes to you for help, remind yourself that you are not going to help but do what is right for you at that moment of time. By practice, you will gradually acquire this attitude.
- Learn to prioritize things and try to accomplish them. Set a goal for yourself and work only on your goal. If you have time, help the right people, who you trust would return the favor.
- There are many disadvantages of being a people pleaser, the only advantage is you will surely get more blessings than others. Do you want the negatives of being a people-pleaser? You lose your individuality, you cannot do what you think is right for you, you cannot lead, you feel stressed, and you spoil your self-confidence.
- Another good way is staying away from people you think use you for their benefits. If you can, distance yourself from these people. Also, develop confidence and act confidently while expressing your opinions. Practice will help you master it.
So, by now you must have understood how wrong it is to be a pushover, at work or any other time. Help yourself. Don't try to convince yourself that you are helping people and they are blessing you. You should have control over yourself and your choices, and stop pleasing people even if you want to. Please the right people, at the right time.